Talked over the positives and negatives of people’s potential responses today, which really helped me process and think about what was going to happen. I was starting to get scared – I wouldn’t call it cold feet because I didn’t want to actually run away and I still maintained the conviction to carry the reporting forward, but I was getting scared thinking about the scale of impact my reporting would have.
I thought about the various people the news would hit especially hard, thinking about the negative feelings of shock and guilt, as well as the positives of closure and understanding. I have, after all, been absent from their lives for nearly a year now. I have spent only a handful of weeks with family and close friends back where the Church is and they are, and it will be good when they understand why I have been away, that I did not run away from them, that I still love them.
Positives and negatives. Worth thinking about. The negatives are hard yes, but the positives help one move forward and maintain strength.